i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
