dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
