I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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