Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
