the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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