your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize