I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
