how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
