why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
