The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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