just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
