he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
