I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
