What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
