This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
