the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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