; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
