is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We are all done wearing pants today
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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