I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
