I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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