Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
