Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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