I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
false alarm. still invincible.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
