So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
