You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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