you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
