So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
