I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
