Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
BRING THE BAGELS
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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