Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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