chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
