I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
