then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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