Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
