I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
