mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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