ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
