the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
