You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
