Duck Duck Cougar?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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