Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
