One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
