I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
