So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
