Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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