you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
