Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize