this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Houston, we have a squirter
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
