i think my tv is drunk
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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