don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
