Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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