Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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