First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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