FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
