drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
