seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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