Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
