He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
