They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
