OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
