Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We talked him into tasing himself.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
