He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
