Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
