Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
