I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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