It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
