he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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