Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
