oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
