in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
