After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
