Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
